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 Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread

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Mdawgg
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PostSubject: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 5:30 am

hi, I'm i need of some advice. Learn me a few new tricks or two.
Well, I've already talked with a friend of mine named SubZero about this, but I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts.


Of course this is obviously about a chick... Just about every advice topic is. Kind of strange to ask a forum, but talking with my buds in the group I hang out in, would be bad news bears for me. It's a lady friend that I've had since second grade, now being a Junior in High School. I've always seen her being someone I want close to me, but I'm always slow to the punch. I kind of let things fly by and watch someone else take the cake, expecting the puzzle pieces to magically fit themselves together, as I wait for another chance to git at dat puzzy; which is what it's all about... Or so Oly says. Anyways, it's just one of those things that I wish appeared before my eyes.

BUT... OBSTACLE.

That's right, I'm in the best friend zone.
*shudders*

Kind of a rode block in my whole expedition to git at it. Laughing

You know, it's one of those things where it could go completely right, or horribly wrong.
I could be on the top of the world at one moment.
Everything would be cool.
Then she could pull some ninja crazy shit on me.
Then fuck, shit would blow up in my face. :grenade: which would totally suck ass.

You know, or she would just say no.

This is one of those instinctive things that I'm going to have to figure out for myself, but I really want to hear some experiences from those who have gone through it.
And please don't say cheesy stuff like, "follow your heart" or "give it a shot" because motivational phrases like that just aint how it works. I'm not going after the love of my life, I'm in high school interested in a chick that I want to spend time with.

Plus, she cooks. A lady who cooks, that also wants to cook for me (which she said she does), is a check plus in my book. I need to start thinking about my future and someone who cooks for me is a keeper.

I'm not one to openly talk about my feelings, even this was difficult for me to do... I just need some real life situations from people who have been through it and have advice for a guy like me.
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SixHousePull
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:56 am

I cant offer too much.
I will say just re evaluate what it is you want out of the relationship with this girl.

Are you happier in the 'best friend" category?
Do you like the things you guys do 'Just as friends'?
If so, maybe.."gettin wit it" will place that in jeopardy.

If your just looking for some one night stand fun, Id say look elsewhere and keep the friendship in tact.
And who knows, in more time it may go beyond that with her all on its own.

As far as future. Sounds like you're still a bit too young to need to worry about it.
Focus on getting YOUR life on track as far as future plans first.
And make sure its solid because any women is going to work very hard to ruin it.

tongue
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Seyel
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:11 am

Difficult one Mdagg... :-\

If she is your friend, a best friend... the risk is that she only sees you as a friend, or that she does not want to risk a good friendship by going any further. My own experience is that it's usually a bad move unless it's clear you both feel the same. And if you both feel the same, and you also have a good friendship, it can be a long term relationship.. which it seems you don't really want right now.

However, it depends. If you think you can keep the friendship even if the relationship goes wrong, it might be worthy to try...

Anyway, I would let her to do the first move. If not, the danger is she agrees because you are her best friend and she does feel something for you... although not what you need or want. I had relationships when at the end it became clear that we had confused the feelings, and we ended hurting each other. That's bad, because you lose the relationship and the friendship. Spend time with her, and listen. Is she talking to you about other guys? Is she making plans with you only? Does she want to bring always a friend? Does she make plans with you first, or is she with you only if she has no other plan? Does she cancel dates with you because something else had come up? or does she cancel dates with other people because she is going out with you? You might have answers there.

I would personally enjoy her company, go out with her, spend time together... and let her do the first move if she feels like it. Don't make it obvious you are really into it and waiting for her, or you would put yourself in a "second choice" position if she has doubts. If she feels you are interested in her as a person, and she feels atracted to you, then it will probably happen.

I am not sure if this is what you wanted to hear... :-\

Where are all the girls of the forum? I would like to hear what they have to say about this! Smile

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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 1:06 pm

All I can say is that life becomes a lot more regrettable if you are looking at it through the eyes of what if. I've learned that when you expect things to come to you, they will never show up. You have to work towards what you want, and if you want her then you have to go get it.

The friend zone is just a myth that some people designed because they were too scared to take a chance with someone that they want to be with. I mean, it doesn't even make sense. If you become friends with someone you want to go out with, then you can't go out with them? All of the things that you have heard about relationships is from other people, and for every person, things are different.

Throughout life, you will have plenty of chances at both best friends and romantic relationships. Don't buckle in fear when you have a chance at something wonderful. To think that she is someone that you want close in your life tells me that you have more than friends feelings for her, and you have to go after that M.
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 1:21 pm

Seyelback wrote:
Difficult one Mdagg... :-\

If she is your friend, a best friend... the risk is that she only sees you as a friend, or that she does not want to risk a good friendship by going any further. My own experience is that it's usually a bad move unless it's clear you both feel the same. And if you both feel the same, and you also have a good friendship, it can be a long term relationship.. which it seems you don't really want right now.

However, it depends. If you think you can keep the friendship even if the relationship goes wrong, it might be worthy to try...

Anyway, I would let her to do the first move. If not, the danger is she agrees because you are her best friend and she does feel something for you... although not what you need or want. I had relationships when at the end it became clear that we had confused the feelings, and we ended hurting each other. That's bad, because you lose the relationship and the friendship. Spend time with her, and listen. Is she talking to you about other guys? Is she making plans with you only? Does she want to bring always a friend? Does she make plans with you first, or is she with you only if she has no other plan? Does she cancel dates with you because something else had come up? or does she cancel dates with other people because she is going out with you? You might have answers there.

I would personally enjoy her company, go out with her, spend time together... and let her do the first move if she feels like it. Don't make it obvious you are really into it and waiting for her, or you would put yourself in a "second choice" position if she has doubts. If she feels you are interested in her as a person, and she feels atracted to you, then it will probably happen.

I am not sure if this is what you wanted to hear... :-\

Where are all the girls of the forum? I would like to hear what they have to say about this! Smile

sey has pretty much covered it right there. i had this exact problem once. it didn't end well. but that was cause she flip flopped and just made things far more confusing that they needed to be. and eventually she played the "we're friends and i don't want to ruin that" card which pretty much put everything down the drain. after that she would was different and things never really got back to the way it was. now we rarely talk

you just need to pay attention to how shes acting and make your decision on that. try to get her to make the first move basically
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Mdawgg
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:00 pm

"Gittin' at dat" was just a joke...
I'm not looking for something short, but the advice so far is good.

The things you guys said, Sey and Brian, really put things into perspective. And banded, that's kind of what I'm worried about.
Thanks.
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:14 pm

This is funny hearing Sey say for her to make the first move, because if I know woman...which I think I have a pretty good idea that I do...that most (especially the younger ones), will give you subtle hints but won't be right out with it. Guys want to be like that too, but I grew up with the pressure knowing that the guy has to make the first move.

Either way M, sometimes you just have to buck up and take control. If you wait for something to happen, and she waits for something to happen, then nothing is going to happen. The worst thing that can happen is that she doesn't want to go out with you. The people that believe that they are going to lose a best friend are the ones that WILL lose that friend because they believe it. If that doesn't make sense, think about it this way. If you think that you are going to fail something, but you try it anyways, you are going to fail it, however, if you go into something with the positivity that you can make it work...it will work.
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 4:31 pm

you just have to be straight up with her and hopefully she'll be straight up with you. and im not saying that if things don't end up with you two getting closer that you'll end up the way i did. as long as you both figure out the situation and no one ends up sitting on the fence as to weather you make things a little more serious, you two should be just fine.

and make sure you're prepared for the possibility that things won't go the way you want.

and philly makes a goopd point about confidence too. be positive about the situation
and don't try to force things into what you want them to be. it just strains everyone emotions and will end badly
once again i would know lol

good thing i messed up while i was young Razz
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Mdawgg
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 5:56 pm

Ya, that's what Sub was telling me last night...
Well, we're going out to lunch soon... So we'll see.
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 5:58 pm

good luck in your endeavors Very Happy= :D
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:12 pm

Heh, the three of us are still young xD
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:17 pm

which three? lol
i know six isn't haha. not sure baout seyelback

im guessing you meant mdawg, you and i :geek:
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:20 pm

Yeah...the three of uss xD

Mdawgg is seriously like a little brother to me, so I hope this all goes out well. Next time I'm in Cali, I should meet her xD
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:23 pm

hahaha its always nice to check up on some people Wink

hows olds M anyways. he said junior in highschool right? so like 14?
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:28 pm

He's 16, just got his driver's license like a month ago (or was it his permit...not sure). So yeah, still young...but not like baby young xD
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:30 pm

old enough to have "lady friends" thats all that matters Wink lol

ou bros are finally off the ps3. its only been all day... time fore the night shift to take over Very Happy= :D

false alarm Sad
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:35 pm

That's hard having to share a PS3 o.o And I think so too, M is mature enough to handle a lady friend xD.

You have to let us know how that meal went when you get back Mdizzy.
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:41 pm

yea. we'll need the play by play haha

oh its though sharing trust me. three bros and a dad plus me. its gets intense

i go off to school in september though and i'll have my own ps3. then i'll have no problems getting on Very Happy= :D
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:01 pm

I get rights on the PS3 because I've bought everything that goes with it ^.^ Games, accessories, system...I get dibs Laughing
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:05 pm

thats what its like with my computer. i bought all the hardware and overclocked it. i built it and keep it running smooth. i get dibs on it. i need to go out and buy a new wireless adapter cause the one i was using is faulty. thats why my internets been down. good thing my dad has a comp too. its old and crappy but it does the job Smile
i've managed to get on it more lately (incase you guys couldn't notice) cause he hasn't been working as much. his office is in our house so its worked out nicely
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nine5one
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:19 pm

How to break the best friend barrier:


Create time for her, and just take her out to places on a regular basis. Just the two of you.

Find some sunset, or some other corny stuff, to share with her.

Invite her out to an actual dress up dinner.

bring a flower to her sometime, she asks why, "just cause". smile. AND SAY NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT

The friend zone is not impossible to get out of...it just has to be approached differently because it's someone you know that knows you just as well. If it comes down to the nitty gritty when she gets cautious about it....be honest...tell her you would of rather tried and found out than to let her slip to someone else because you couldn't muster the nutsack to do so Wink If you don't ever try, you'll never forget it. No
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Seyel
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:20 pm

Back on topic, when I say "let her make the first move" I don't mean "do not move until she is on top of you"... I just think you should look for the clues, but make sure there are some real clues there... as I said, the most obvious ones are when a girl changes her plans to be able to go with you, or tries to be alone with you.

I hope you have good luck!

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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:22 pm

nine5one wrote:
How to break the best friend barrier:


Create time for her, and just take her out to places on a regular basis. Just the two of you.

Find some sunset, or some other corny stuff, to share with her.

Invite her out to an actual dress up dinner.

bring a flower to her sometime, she asks why, "just cause". smile. AND SAY NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT

The friend zone is not impossible to get out of...it just has to be approached differently because it's someone you know that knows you just as well. If it comes down to the nitty gritty when she gets cautious about it....be honest...tell her you would of rather tried and found out than to let her slip to someone else because you couldn't muster the nutsack to do so Wink If you don't ever try, you'll never forget it. No

good stuff nine
the only catch is the girl has to be willing to actually talk about things and be wanting to try. you could be all fgor trying and finding out. if it doesn't work. well it doesn't work. it doesn't mean you can't be friends after. thats what i said when i had this situation. you know how it went :geek:
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PhillyPride88
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:37 pm

Oh, and all I can tell you M is communication works wonders. I've told you about the things that Lisa and I have gone through, and we are still together because of us sitting down and talking about all of the things that we have been going through. You know how messed up my relationship is, and yet we make it work because we talk.

Also, nine has some great points. Let her know just how special she is to you, and be the sweet ol sweety that I know you are Wink
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banded1
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PostSubject: Re: Let's give Mdawgg advice... thread   Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:39 pm

yea whip out the shit you're embarassed to talk to other guys about lmao
it always works on girls. unless they're the "one of the guys" type
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